List every job you have ever had. I’ll go first.
THE COFFEE CALLING THE COFFEE BLACK
- Attention lesbians; The whole Huckleberry Finn look is not werkin’ for us. I’m sorry no one gave you the memo.
- It’s important to occasionally wear your “fat shirt”, it will keep you in check when others won’t/aren’t willing.
- Whatever you do, DO NOT pumice in public, it’s nasty and un-neighborly. This is particularly pertinent in public transportation “situations.”
- Always save you xtra change in a mason jar, you never know, it could be your bail money one day and save your ass!
- If you don’t have something nice to say, think of something.
- Canadians are like Americans, with a twist.
- Strong Jewish females, lonely older women and gays are not too be messed with, they will cut you before anyone else. Don’t mess!
- If you DON’T drink coffee, you had betta drink tea, or you can suck it sideways.
- If you’re a man, and you can’t see your penis while standing, you are probably my type. Regardless of how big or small your package is.
- If you’re over 30, the friends you have now are most likely the ones you will know when you need your diaper changed, so pick wisely. Otherwise, die alone with a thousand acquaintances in a cheap-ass motel with no friends.